A few years ago I'd reached a serious low after a major upheaval and disruption in my life. I had to make a choice, between a rock and a very hard place. With little to guide me but instinct, I opted for change. It was a tough decision. The consequences were far reaching, for me, my family and my infant son, as it took me without preparation into unanticipated single parenthood.
The early years were hard. I was struggling to stay afloat and cope with the physical, financial and emotional strain of raising a child in India on my own. One day, a well meaning aunt in her well meaning way said these words to me:
"Your life is finished -- you took a bad decision and you ruined your life. Why not just admit it and give up? Not everyone finds happiness - stop trying to fight your fate."
Thank you dear aunt. Your words words created in me the sort of reaction physicists are trying to create in the Large Hadron Collider. The Big Bang. It accelerated the atoms of my being out of the terrible black hole of apathy and helplessness. It was time to give my fate a good kick in the butt. That day, I broke free. No more thought was wasted on wondering whether I did right or I did wrong. I decided to trust myself and believe I did what needed to be done.
Learned Helplessness is a self-perpetuating and self-defeating plague that fosters in people the belief that they are helpless victims of circumstance and that they have no control over the things that happen in their lives. It is a conditioning mechanism that engenders passivity and subjugation. It disempowers us and destroys our connections with hope and joy.
Ken McLeod explains it beautifully in his article, Learned Helplessness
Learned helplessness is often rooted in the home. As parents and teachers, we unwittingly subscribe to the system that fosters learned helplessness. We often pass on our own learned helplessness as an inheritance to our young. Recognising this first will lead us to a way out.
And yes, there is a way out. It involves recognising obstacles and learning skills to overcome them.
In McLeod's words,
"The cost, however, is high. We can only undo learned helplessness by severing our internal connection with the system that gave rise to it. "
Where else do we see learned helplessness? In schools, in educational institutions, and societies where differences and questioning minds are not tolerated. Wherever patterns of belief and thought have become calcified and brittle. Wherever hunger and poverty prevail. Wherever there is exploitation and corruption, violence and abuse.
To sever connections with such systems is to leave behind and let go of everything you may have ever known. It's lonely journey. And the only person you will please is you. But don't give up. And don't teach anyone else to either.
Go out there and fight your fate. The truth is no one else can fight this fight for you. Break free and discover a whole new world!
