Angel's Advocates and Creating New Social Norms

The Wired to Connect dialogues is a series of dialogues between Daniel Goleman and several leading thinkers. In the dialogue called The Inner Compass for Ethics and Excellence, Daniel Goleman and Naomi Wolf share their thoughts about how to create new social norms and cultures in which women develop their leadership.

Naomi Wolf explains how in order to be heard, women need to use their "true voice" and let go of old, overlearned responses such as, presenting a "false front of compliance" and "playing it safe" and "placate". For women who want to make change, there is a need to get over the aversion to criticism. In order to change this wiring, they need to live by the maxim, feel the fear and do it anyway.

Goleman speaks about how Neuroplasticity comes into play - the brain shapes itself through repeated experiences and it's only by putting women in a place where they are compelled to take risks, will these old, play-it-safe responses be overwritten.

Goleman explains this shift in terms of the amygdala, the part of the brain that receives direct inputs from the senses, to trigger a response even before these stimuli are registered by the neocortex or the thinking centre. The amygdala triggers an emotional response even before the cortical centres (or the thinking brain) have fully understood what is happening.

When women speak with their true voices, this shift resonates outwards, and is instantly and almost unconsciously, perceived by listeners (via the amygdala) and plays a significant role in building trust.

Goleman shares a story about an organisation that has developed the concept of the Angel's Advocate, a powerful and real way of creating a new culture and social norms. In this organisation, there is a tradition that whenever anyone advocates a new idea, the next person who speaks must support it. This allows breathing room for new ideas, and ensures that not every new idea is killed at the outset. This practice is now standard operating procedure in that organisation.

So for all of you who long for change - there's many routes - use your true voice, face up to and do not fear criticism, take risks often, and be an angel's advocate...in Gandhi's words, well, just go ahead and be the change!

I Want it Now(!)

We recently came across a product called I Want It in an electronic goods store and had a good laugh about its tongue-in-cheek jibe at today's consumer. Something to think about in this fast moving, fast changing world, where attention spans are short and the name of the game is instant gratification. It is a world where people want quick results and easy answers.

In his book Emotional Intelligence (Why it can matter more than IQ), Daniel Goleman describes The Marshmallow Test conducted by Walter Mischel. A group of four year olds were offered two marshmallows if they could wait till the researcher returned, and one if they didn't want to wait.

"There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse. It is the root of all emotional self-control..." (Goleman, 2004, p.81)

When these children were tracked down fourteen years later, it was found that those who had resisted temptation at the age of four, were now more socially competent and better able to cope with life's frustrations than those who had given in to impulse and grabbed the one marshmallow. They also fared better academically than those who had acted on whim. "More than a decade later, they were still able to delay gratification in pursuit of their goals."

But there's hope for us all. As Goleman states, "There is ample evidence that emotional skills such as impulse control and accurately reading a social situation can be learned."

Reference: Goleman, Daniel,(2004), Emotional Intelligence and Working with Emotional Intelligence, Bloomsbury Publishing